Alan Turing

One of my favorite movies is the Imitation Game. I suppose that's due to the fact that I see myself in Alan, who thought and acted differently from everyone around him. His character brings to light so many things that click in my brain and thoughts that I think. And maybe that's why I find him to be one of my favorite historians and characters. But I can't help but feel sorry for him at the same time. And he's right; just because someone thinks differently than you, doesn't mean they're not thinking. 

"Of course machines can't think as people do. A machine is different from a person. Hence, they think differently. The interesting question is, just because something, uh... thinks differently from you, does that mean it's not thinking? Well, we allow for humans to have such divergences from one another. You like strawberries, I hate ice-skating, you cry at sad films, I am allergic to pollen. What is the point of... different tastes, different... preferences, if not, to say that our brains work differently, that we think differently? And if we can say that about one another, then why can't we say the same thing for brains... built of copper and wire, steel?"

Lavender in the headspace

 "they say lavender softens anxiety/ 
and I wonder whether I can plant a garden/
so dense in your mind/
that the knots in your chest unravel/
and never tighten again." 
- Jasmine Kaur

[can someone do this for me, because then maybe everything would be easier and I wouldn't be so melancholy] 

The San Francisco therapist

 The San Francisco therapist kept telling me I shouldn't be terrified of creative experimentation. "I don't know what's doing to come out of me," I told her. "It has to be perfect. It has to be irreproachable in every way."
"Why?" She said.
"To make up for it," I said. "To make up for the fact that it's me." 

[the first time I read this quote I felt like everything made sense and I had just been stabbed in the heart. I understood whoever wrote this. and that hurt and made sense.]

Cosa Rica

 Recently I watched the Costa Rica episode from Down To Earth With Zac Efron (season one) and it made me want to be. Be more. I want to be off the grid, be around wildlife and have a simpler lifestyle. Have no stress,  get dirt under my fingernails, walk bare feet in the soil, being surrounded by plants and fruit and good food. And be healthy. And truly happy. And I would be surrounded by PLANTS!! I could just read books and be. I want that so bad.  

Decorating

 I want to live in an apartment just so I have the excuse of repainting the walls. And I'll purposely paint over my face with the yellow roller. It would highlight my nose and the crease of my eyebrows and chin. Then someone will walk in and ask me what on earth am I doing, and I'll say I am redecorating.