Alan Turing

One of my favorite movies is the Imitation Game. I suppose that's due to the fact that I see myself in Alan, who thought and acted differently from everyone around him. His character brings to light so many things that click in my brain and thoughts that I think. And maybe that's why I find him to be one of my favorite historians and characters. But I can't help but feel sorry for him at the same time. And he's right; just because someone thinks differently than you, doesn't mean they're not thinking. 

"Of course machines can't think as people do. A machine is different from a person. Hence, they think differently. The interesting question is, just because something, uh... thinks differently from you, does that mean it's not thinking? Well, we allow for humans to have such divergences from one another. You like strawberries, I hate ice-skating, you cry at sad films, I am allergic to pollen. What is the point of... different tastes, different... preferences, if not, to say that our brains work differently, that we think differently? And if we can say that about one another, then why can't we say the same thing for brains... built of copper and wire, steel?"

Lavender in the headspace

 "they say lavender softens anxiety/ 
and I wonder whether I can plant a garden/
so dense in your mind/
that the knots in your chest unravel/
and never tighten again." 
- Jasmine Kaur

[can someone do this for me, because then maybe everything would be easier and I wouldn't be so melancholy] 

The San Francisco therapist

 The San Francisco therapist kept telling me I shouldn't be terrified of creative experimentation. "I don't know what's doing to come out of me," I told her. "It has to be perfect. It has to be irreproachable in every way."
"Why?" She said.
"To make up for it," I said. "To make up for the fact that it's me." 

[the first time I read this quote I felt like everything made sense and I had just been stabbed in the heart. I understood whoever wrote this. and that hurt and made sense.]

Cosa Rica

 Recently I watched the Costa Rica episode from Down To Earth With Zac Efron (season one) and it made me want to be. Be more. I want to be off the grid, be around wildlife and have a simpler lifestyle. Have no stress,  get dirt under my fingernails, walk bare feet in the soil, being surrounded by plants and fruit and good food. And be healthy. And truly happy. And I would be surrounded by PLANTS!! I could just read books and be. I want that so bad.  

Decorating

 I want to live in an apartment just so I have the excuse of repainting the walls. And I'll purposely paint over my face with the yellow roller. It would highlight my nose and the crease of my eyebrows and chin. Then someone will walk in and ask me what on earth am I doing, and I'll say I am redecorating. 

Crochet and stitches

 Crocheting is wonderful. I can just stitch and stitch and stitch. I feed the hook through the yarn and loop and pull it through and do it again. And if I make a mistake, I just unhook the hook and pull the yarn which causes the stitches to come undone and start again. It keeps my hands busy so I don't pick or bite my nails much. I also don't need to follow a pattern if desired. I can just do my own thing. Cool. ❤🧶

OCEAN

I want to live near the ocean (or a lake at best). The smell of the salty water along the breeze. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore. I went to Point Pelee over the summer and just stood at the southernmost point in Canada. Just stood at the tip. Didn't take any photos. (Photos don't capture the furious ocean in all its glory anyway). Wallpapers on computers don't capture it enough (they're all beautiful and pinks and blues when really the ocean is a vast, deep, dark, wonder that isn't pretty- it's powerful and mighty.) And since I can't have the photos to capture all of the glory and power of the ocean, I have to go back. I want to go back. Have you ever just walked away from the shore until your clothing is completely plastered to your skin and your hair is wet and you feel such joy and it's enough? God, I want to do that again.